On my paper route: I'm surprised how much I really enjoy it. There is something really satisfying about the stillness of the morning and the sound of my feet hitting the pavement as I run, or the sound the paper makes as it sails through the air and hits the front porch. The temperature has warmed up to 19 in the mornings, so it's brisk, but not miserable. It is so beautiful watching the sun rays start to peak over the Bear River Range and shed light on my beautiful valley. I love the time to think, pray, and plan my day.
On Joshua: Our paper route time is precious to me. We have about 40 minutes to ourselves. We listen to talks on tape or talk radio. We discuss politics, religion, and family. He'll get out to throw 4 or 5 papers, and I'll drive up the street and wait for him. Sometimes before he closes the van door I'll say "I'll miss you." He'll always answer back with "I'll miss you, too." And we mean it. We're going to be separated for a whole 5 minutes, maybe! It is during these morning hours that I see the best in Josh. He isn't teasing anyone or being sarcastic or complaining about the things teenagers complain about. We talk with each other and joke with each other and have a great time.
On Rachel: Tuesday night was New Beginnings for Young Women and Rachel was supposed to give a talk on Integrity. She waited until the day of to prepare it, but sat down with two talks from the church website and wrote a pretty awesome 7 minute talk about integrity. When we got to the program and the other girls started talking about their assigned Young Women's Values, she realized that the talks were supposed to be more like 3 minutes, and more about how that particular topic would help them be the 'Women Of Their Dreams,' which was the theme of the night. She turned to me after a few girls had gone and said "I'm just gonna wing it." Wing it she did, and you never would have known. She is such a great public speaker. She is animated, funny, intelligent, and sincere. She talked about wanting to go on a mission someday and how her Patriarchal Blessing speaks a lot about her serving one. My little girl is on the cusp of adulthood. It won't be long before she is in my shoes. Sunrise, Sunset. It all happens so fast. The birth of each child has been a miracle. But there is also something so miraculous and amazing in watching them turn into young adults. I have an unbelievable teenage daughter. Everyone should be so lucky to have a 14 year old girl like mine.
On Daniel: Last night we played Math War with some flash cards. He fought me at first, and didn't think it would be any fun, but we ended up laughing and playing with each other and having a blast as we practiced our multiplication facts. Some of which I really need to brush up on. This past week has been so interesting where Daniel is concerned. I had his SEP conference last Wednesday and the teacher's were very concerned about his reading scores and were wanting to have him put in Resource, which is the Special Ed. program. I was really concerned and wanting to make the right choice for him. I prayed and I read and I talked to people. I was as concerned for Daniel's self-esteem as I was for his reading score. Probably more so. I talked to our family doctor. I talked to other mothers. I had several family and friends join me in a fast on Sunday. The purpose of the fast was that #1 Daniel would know how wonderful and amazing he is. #2 He would be able to learn the things he needs to in school, and #3 I would know what he needed to learn, and where he needed to learn it. I was so touched by how many people responded to fasting for him. People with their own lives, their own children, their own trials wrote back with words of encouragement and love. I felt that throughout the day, and knew that others were praying for us, and it was such a strength. I talked to my wonderful Bishop and had him give me a blessing. That night, after ending my fast and crawling in bed, I got a phone call from a wonderful friend, who shared with me their experience with ADD and Special Ed. They said a lot of things that really struck a chord with me, and I knew their suggestions and advice were perfect for Daniel. I sent a letter to the school on Monday and told them I'm not ready to put Daniel in Resource yet. I want time to work with him after school and to see what kind of a headway we can make. I've really shirked my duty in that area up until now, and I need to try to fix it. We'll meet again in a month and see where he is. I also want to find Daniel some other outlet where he can gain confidence and self-esteem, and have some success. I've really fought having my kids in a bunch of lessons for various reasons. But I'm going to sign him up for baseball next week. I can see where he needs something like that. The county has recreational sports going all the time, and with my paper route money, I can keep him in them. One thing my friend said about her ADD and grades was that the message they was getting was "You can't do this." "You're not smart enough." They said they really wish someone would have said "You can do this. You're smart. You may have to work a little harder, but you're going to get it." I need to make sure the message I'm sending Daniel is positive and projects that he is capable. Another blessing is that I have become friends with my neighbor, Sue. Two of her girls are in Spencer's preschool. Anyway, she has a son who is in 3rd grade and is kind of struggling with the same things as Daniel right now; smart at math, poor at reading, feeling bad, etc. Both of these little boys really need someone who isn't going to judge them, and someone they can have fun with. We have lived behind them for almost 5 years, but are just now really developing the friendship. Hunter and Daniel have their little elementary school war wounds right now, but I really believe they are being brought together at this point in time to help heal each other and undo some of the damage done by other friends who have been unkind. They have had a blast playing with each other after school this week. They already have plans to get together on Saturday to go shooting. After fasting, after reading, after talking to the doctor and the Bishop, and after praying so hard for my little son, what I am left with is a strong faith that all will be well. My blessing said something to the effect that "The Lord knows the End from the Beginning." He knows how Daniel's story is going to turn out, and it's going to turn out just fine. He's been given this trial to help him grow and learn, and he will be stronger for it in the end. I know that as much as I love my Daniel Joseph, Heavenly Father loves him even more. And He has his back! I know that if I put my trust in the Lord and listen for the inspiration for how to best help Daniel, everything will work out. I just want to say THANK YOU to the many people who fasted and prayed for him. My prayers were answered and I finally, at age 36, really gained a testimony of fasting.