A week or so ago I sent a letter to several of my aunts asking for their advice on housework. I struggle with keeping my house as clean as my mother's and knowing how to balance everything I want to do in a day. I am happy and calm when my house is clean, and stressed when it isn't. But I worry that I put too much emphasis on that and not enough on what really matters. So, I sought out advice from my wise aunts and got a lot of great feedback. They each had something different to say, and they each said something that really hit home with me and gave me something to think about. I hope they won't mind my sharing and using their names. If they do, I'll come back and edit their names out!
I first heard back from my Aunt Yevon. Some of the things she said that I really needed to hear were "I believe you have to figure out what works best for you and your family and go with it. It won't be the same as anyone else, and it shouldn't be. Life just doesn't work that way! Be an individual. It it isn't perfectly clean, who cares? I don't keep house like my sisters. I don't care that I don't. So what? It isn't a competition. We each do it our own way. I don't get my identity by how clean and decorated my house is." I loved that. I think sometimes I worry that it is a competition, and I do put too much of my identity into what my house looks like at the moment. If it looks clean I feel like I am a successful homemaker, and if it is messy I feel like a failure and don't want anyone to come over. Puhleeezzzee! I have 5 children. It can't be perfect all the time. She also said, "There are WAY TOO MANY other things I would rather do than clean my house every day and have it spotless. I'm not a believer....I would rather save all that energy for struggles over things that really matter."
Next I heard from Aunt Janet. That in and of itself is a bit of a miracle and must mean she really loves me. Anyway, I liked her advice as well. She started by saying, "I use to be very judgmental about women who didn't keep a clean house. I simply didn't get it. It's a no brainer to me! HOWEVER, in my older and wiser years, I have realized that I don't have all the answers, and just maybe my best friend who is the worst housekeeper I know, shared something or taught something to her kids that I totally missed out on because I was too busy cleaning!" I know I have a big problem with worrying and focusing on the house at the expense of the children a lot of times. Poor Spencer is addicted to TV, because I have him watch it so I can clean. Aunt Janet went on to say that "I feel that teaching children about Jesus Christ and helping them gain a testimony is #1....If...whatever it is that controls your time only allows for a few good things at a time, then definitely choose the family. HOWEVER, the scriptures also teach us to have cleanliness and order in ALL things....The important thing is to not throw in the towel, just keep trying until you find something that works for your family." Good stuff. Both Aunt Yevon and Aunt Janet reminded me of the conference talk on "Good, Better, Best." We've got to make sure we aren't neglecting the Best things to do with our time for good ways to spend it.
Last I heard from Aunt Lee. She had some eye opening statements that my children really appreciated. Lee keeps house like my mom, so I had an idea about what she might say. But she surprised me with some of it. Here are some of my favorite jewels from her letter. "I rarely allow myself to do anything I want to do (email, read, run errands) until the house is clean, otherwise the time gets away...I also believe in showering and getting "made-up" early on-it just makes you feel better about yourself all day." I have a SERIOUS problem with that one. I am very often still in my pajamas or sweats when Ryan gets home from work, because I don't want to get dressed up to clean toilets. I really need to work on that one. The thing that Aunt Lee said that really struck me was this, "I think it is my job since I am the one who really wants a clean house to keep it clean. It's not their job. They do their chores to help out, but the bulk of it rests on me...I think kids need to learn how to work, but they also need to feel like they have time to play and be kids." I think I ask my kids to do way more than their fair share of the housework. On top of that, they are watching the babies all the time!
We had a FHE where I read them all the letters and we talked about what was going to work best for our family. We have decided that during the week they can just keep their rooms picked up, do their laundry, and take their turn with the dishes. There will be a few more on Saturday. I have decided that housework isn't a competition. It's alright if my house isn't white glove ready at all times. Surprisingly, letting go of the idea that it has to be perfect has caused me less stress and motivated me more to keep up on it. I am also trying to realize that it won't be very long until I don't have any little ones to pick up after, and I should appreciate every day I have to play with them, teach them, and love them.